I recently won the smallest dollar amount award allowed according to the laws of Guam. I had received an invitation to a party on Guam by a certain Kiki Sutherloans. She had ‘heard about my poetic abilities, and skilled Menippean prose, and wanted me to ‘make it big.’ I refused her offer in a most polite almost obsequious way. She then sent me the Guam Lotto Card. This card had two boxes covered with that silvery scratch off stuff on a green and brown background. I scratched off the box to my left. The message read: Don’t’ do anything else. You won (16gua) plus Kiosk investment opportunity rent free for six months in Guam City 2.
February 23, 2007
February 21, 2007
you know what’s fun? SNACKS MOTHERFU KE R!
My cousin Rootstown Vinny from Rootstown, OH, recently quit his job in the jewelry business. He was tired of the venal scumminess of it all. His prior job was with the people of Shmuckers. He was in the ‘real’ tomato ketchup department. In my own way, so am I, and so are you Elsie if you can read this in jail.
Anyway, when he sat down with his Gucci-kunty boss in the big boy’s office with the $8 a bottle sucker’s water empties strewn about the Albanian marble floors, Vince was determined to spit it out.
“I’ve accepted a job with a potato chip company.”
“You’re going from Jewelry to chips?”
“Yes.”
“You’re going from Jewelry to chips? Are you fucking nuts? What’s wrong with you? You are leaving us for some shitty chip company when you have been embraced by the top-dogs of the gem industry?”
“They also make spicy popcorn. It’s not just chips.”
here is the website for Vince’s new employer…i have printed out some of the coloring pages for my commute home. I often color potato chip men when the traffic gets really shitty shittys.
http://www.shearers.com/fun/
Whether they admit it or not, 75% of men and women eat at least one snack every day because SNACKS ARE FUN and eating snacks is fun! Snacks are for people who like to have fun! The taste, the texture, the flavor and the crunchy sound bring a smile to your face! Snacks are guaranteed to make your day even better.
……hot
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Hot Cheese Popcorn
Sound the alarm and keep a cool drink close by! Topped with fiery hot cheese, this popcorn will set your taste buds a |
Bird Song as early detection of ecological fragmentation?
From this ponderous title, you might think i know something about birds besides that they fly and shit, and make nests. Sadly, I did not even know that birds fly till recently. I have an explanation for this that I will not reveal into a small village in a heavily mined portion of Sweden is sunk into the earth due to its blasted bedrock. I am very interested in biology in general as an explanatory tool or way among other ways, for understanding various social and other phenomenons about all creatures. Am I human?
Below is an interesting piece I spotted regarding bird-song as an harbinger of ecological isolation/fragmentation….as a sort of evolutionary sprinter-indicator of behavioral/ecological change, ahead of other adaptive ‘reflexes…’
http://www.birdwatchersdigest.com/site/funbirds/birdnews/bird_song.aspx
February 17, 2007
Hyperventilating Capitalists (Swift was right) eat the children and party
Ever chooke on a carrot first thing in the morning after singing for hours to a distrustful crowd?
The United States is one of the few countries that has refused to sign an international convention for the abolition of child labor and forced labor. Why is this? I’m one of these guys who understands that the hyperventilating version of capitalism that the very wealthy prefer over the mere ‘let’s make a profit baby’ capitalism with real social responsibility by government part of the make out session )so to speak….is what we have now in most parts of the world. The country where the first lady is seen reading a library book with some nice brown child on the TV is the same one that won’t spit it out: If kids or your ma, or your dinner or your system of governing…et cetera….get’s in the way of boosting profits or maximizing a loan by 0000000.1%….then they must go or change.
This position on child labor is rooted from the child labor practices of U.S. corporations throughout the Third World and within the United States itself, where children as young as 12 suffer high rates of injuries and fatalities, and are often paid less than the minimum wage. Hey, just blame the ‘sub,’ as the terse turdy tart language goes. We contracted out the harvesting of this raw material…coca….or whatever. ”I just had no idea slave labor was responsible for this tasty chocolate bar mom. Kids just like me working all those hours in squalid chattel housing, god bless democracy and invite your recruiter over for some biscuits.
February 13, 2007
My deaf roomate Gary thought I was a dick, I’m not.
I walked inside a ‘Village Hall’ tonight. It was lightly snowing, and I was perfervid about clearing my name, and saving my money from the p a r k i n g ticket dragons. It was my date in front of a judge with many other people. I had never seen a judge in action, in the flesh. He was a smart ass judge with that sense of humor that no doubt gestated in the imaginary body created from countless encounters with individuals that peevishly pleaded guilty or not guilty. They were the repetitious fodder for the slowly growing inside joke that he occasionally shared with the woman who took your money if you had to pay a fine that night.
It was a half an hour into this brightly lit ceremony. Moving violations, driving without insurance, driving down a one way street…..the judge mangled names and chirped a grin towards the domed ceiling. He was only up to the letter C! I wished to avoid around $65 in violation money. I could buy those green bermuda shorts with that money, three fancy vodka drinks in a hotel that is so fancy it’s bellhops can suck their own dick while exorcising your room of every last nano-strip of bad spirit that had befouled the place since it’s first occupants sipped of the instant coffee tree of Veracity and Prevarication. I’m not wealthy, but two or so hours of my time was not worth the ‘possibility’ of reducing my fine by explaining to this judge the mitigating circumstances that prevented me from moving my car back into my driveway rather than on the street where parking is prohibited in the village i live in over night. I received another fine the following morning at 9:30 am for my car being on the wrong side of the street. Maybe my car is Japanese, and does not understand the peculiarities of my villages laws?
I thought about wearing a Zorro mask to the court, and reciting Thomas Paine till I was incarcerated by a manhandling cop that vaguely resembled an imaginary woman named Doc that i had slept with in a book over fourteen years ago. And to think, I wore a red tie instead of this mask, my capitulation to the ticket devil rendering the latter choice as irrelevant as the citizen turned consumer playing democracy in the shitter when storms ruined his reception.
PS: I have a pet crab who runs a reunion center for angry roommates who promised never to look at each other even when they lived together. Ask me about the deaf guy named Gary who i bunked with in Morrisville, NY, who owned two tape cassettes: 2 Live Crew, and a cheap trick cover band called: Cheaper Trick
February 12, 2007
New El Alto records on the way! What?
What? Yes, I think El Alto should have two albums (hard to tell when and the rest of the details at this stage,) consisting of four to six songs apiece. Part of one of these albums, which will have a bit more bit lip bit rock-asthma about it….hopefully will also appear on a seven inch record with the very excellent band: Organized Sports in a combined effort called El Alto meets Organized Sports
Get you’re OS fix here…you will probably holler in quick spasmodic glottal pum pums: http://myspace.com/organizedsports
Anyway….it will be quite a departure as they say from our last album ‘The Center of Accident One’… www.myspace.com/elalto (if you want to hear other tunes then those on www.winondiagonals.com
too many addresses….i’m quitting now…
thanks for reading
Please check out this link. Its clean boys and girls.
http://pbskids.org/cgi-registry/postcard/read.pl?card_id=4884206
As i was telling my buddy Jess the other day. My favorite thing about the Mr. R’s neighborhood is one of the setups before they gallop off to land of make believe (fuck you phil collon)… Rather than head off to ‘lofmb’ via trolley from apartment to Castle; I enjoyed the segue where Fred is in kitchen feeding fish and as fish nibbles on fish food Fred brings Corny’s factory, or the Oak Tree, or the Museum Go Round on kitchen table describing what will happen as ‘TLOB’ appears less and less enshrouded with cartoon fog cum.