I had another idea concerning toddlers. They are all on one of those ‘Top’ shows…like ‘Design’ or ‘Chef’…et cetera
It would be called ‘Top Toddler.’ The young ones would be all assembled in a room with a very gaunt and tall man slouching in front of a skeevie old fishing boat full of money. The toddler’s mothers are behind a cage with torn up pictures of kid’s drawings. The mothers are also holding snack bags with spoiled food, but perfectly fine raisins which the kids do not care for. The mothers are also crying. The gaunt tall man informs the toddlers of their next challenge.
They must give each other haircuts, and compose music for each others third birthday using broken instruments. A special star panel that is held against their will is strapped to electric shock chairs behind another cage that is sponsored by an unpopular Orange drink maker. One of the stars is Tommy Lasorda former manager of Los Angles Dodgers, as well as the inchworm who lived in Oscar’s garbage can from
. I believe his name is Slimy.
We see the toddlers shit their pants, demand juice; some of them cutting hair, others destroying broken instruments while the mothers dolefully encourage them to stop crying. The star panel judges are shocked when they protest for their corporeal liberty. The tall gaunt host hurls abuse at the children. Studio audiences laugh unperturbed by the escalating sadness. They are busy voting for their favorite lozenge flavor, or ear ache remedy.
When the competition is over, our host tells the losing toddlers: “Ok toddlers, go rescue you’re mommies, have them pack your special blankets, and never come to this studio again. Get out. Get your things.
They all cry. Tommy Lasorda is set free.