Win On Diagonals

I went to Home Depot last night to get that stuff that feels like cheese cloth to put under a rug so it won’t move too much. I go to this Jamaican guy and ask him where I might find that stuff that looks like thick cheese cloth that you put under a rug so it won’t move.  He told me to look in an aisle where all the paint was. I re-explained what I needed, emphasizing the carpet moving and all that again.  He just said: “paint.”
Then there is this sudden pause where he stares me down and tells me that ‘I’m misleading him.’
I felt that we had been dating for two weeks and I was just trying to play with his hair for the first time, and he shut me down instead of helping me find some fucking Carpet Mate for a 5×8.  He then gave me a new aisle number, and accosted what may have been an ex-girlfriend to show me various products for what I needed.  She did not like me either, very possibly stepping on my ‘skips’ intentionally. A look of passing contempt and cavernous ennui shone through Jamaican guy’s gesticulations and motionlessness. Later, I ran across the chilly Elmont parking lot to ‘Office Max.’ I was in need of an external hard drive, and unable to get a song called “Carpet Man,” by The 5^th Dimension out of my peeling lattice of a head. As I am at register slipping my duckets to the cute Latina lady at the checkout, and she is explaining the virtues of the Office Max Extended no-co-pay two year warranty for 21.99, I notice two large and friendly folks eating a cheese snack I was fond of as a lad called ‘Bugles.’ 
As my instructions were lovingly told to me regarding registering for my warranty, I ask these two amiable chubbies if perhaps they were snacking on Bugles? They said: “fuck, yeah, these Bugles, ummm…..(made trumpet slur noise too.) I didn’t blame them a bit for being less than articulate in response to my question.  We all started laughing with an ease I had not felt since boyhood. I then proceeded to lie to them about my Bugle eating Past. My innocence was sold as casually as ‘La-La licks’ in some strumpet alley. I told them that I use to eat Pepper-corn Bugles while as a security guard at a Castle in Dover, De. I explained that I like my bugles hot, because it was funnier when you pretended to blow on them as if breaking into a cheese-snack solo when they singed you’re lips a bit with that savory burn-burn-crunch.  The whole experience made me ­­­_______?